Can I just go out in public without having to hear you talk about your.........?

Never mind the fact it’s been far too long since my last post. If only I could be paid daily to sit at home and put to keyboard all the whacked-out thoughts and opinions I have in the vast space to the north known as my head. I certainly have had reason to blog; my sports world has been a roller coaster to say the least. Both the Braves and Dawgs of UGA have under performed and have caused me to have near mental meltdowns recently. But the doctors have assured me, once they’ve emptied their pill bottles onto my hands and forced me to take them strapped to a hospital bed with Enya music playing in the background, that everything will be ok even if my sports teams perform poorly; that life will go on. I guess at some point I’ll have to take their word for it.

Tonight’s blog topic was one that was quick in developing. For whatever reason, I am very good at observing people and overhearing their conversations while maintaining a cool demeanor so as to not give away my eavesdropping. In times past this has been quite entertaining while at other times I wish I hadn’t had such ability. However, tonight’s instances were the former. I suppose I could start a blog website specifically with the theme of “What I Overhear In Public” but that would probably just give me more reasons not to write on that one.

Keep in mind; the following conversations I overheard occurred in the span of roughly 30 minutes. It was a gold mine of conversational nuggets!

Eavesdrop #1: The instance in question started out by arriving at a gas station to get a quick snack of Nacho Cheese Bugles and a Dr. Pepper before going to the gym………………..what?!

Upon entering the station and as I looked for my snack, a lady very perturbed was at the front counter of the gas station in obvious displeasure. For whatever reason her credit card kept declining as she attempted to gas her car. She was adamant that money was available and that it had to be Racetrac’s fault. The patient attendant calmly asked the lady to walk her through what she did to see what happened.

Attendant: “What happened when you swiped the card?”

Customer: “It asked for the zip code!”

Attendant: “Did you put in the zip code?”

Customer: “Yeah, even though I don’t know this county’s zip code! It should still work, I have money!”

“………………………..[gas station attendant’s silence] Ma’am, you are supposed to put in your billing zip code.”

“………………………..[the silence of what was a second ago very angry lady now embarrassed] Oh. Sorry!” The customer then left the store to hopefully pump her gas and, if we are all lucky, to never procreate.......ever.

Eavesdrop #2: I purchased my snack and drink, laughed along with the attendant and her associate momentarily at the folly of the last customer (bless her heart) and left the station. As I get into my car, I see a group of about ten white, very redneck 20 year olds gathered next to the gas station. Then someone from the back of the group had the great idea. “Hey ya’ll, let’s play some football here!” All ten white, very redneck 20 year olds began playing a pick up game of football in the narrow patch of grass next to the Racetrac. Two observations: One, I knew then how deep in the South I was. Some people spontaneously go on vacation, buy a new car, or combust. These guys play football next to a gas station. Two, there were actually girls waiting on these guys to finish their pick up game. I’m sure at the beginning of the evening those girls got together in a bathroom (as you women tend to do) and gushed about how exciting it would be to go play football next to the local gas station. I’m sure there was nothing better to do at the time. Certainly not mud boggin', going to the movies, eating at a restaurant, going to a hot tub, makin' babies, etc., etc., etc.

Eavesdrop #3: At this point, I have crossed the street in my car to park in the parking lot of my gym. I do a quick change of my clothes in the car (see my previous blog post) and as I’m walking into the gym a man is getting into his sports car and is bragging to his buddy about his new purchase. The man’s friend is envious and is very interested in the car. Right as I’m about to open the door to the gym, I hear the sports car owner loudly, but strangely in a proud voice declare “I got this car since I don’t have a penis.”

………………………………………………………. (my own silence thinking back at what the man actually said in public)…………………………………………………… and then the man drives on.............................

Eavesdrop #4: I enter my gym, shake the dew off the leaves in the bathroom and as I’m leaving to head to the treadmills, I hear Douchebag of the Gym of September 19, the year of our Lord 2011, say to his friend, “Man, I couldn’t keep my eyes off her a**the whole time she was lifting!” From where he was looking as he was telling his friend this, it’s obvious the girl in question was within earshot of what Douchebag of the Gym of September 19, the year of our Lord 2011 said. For further insight into why he is dubbed Douchebag of the Gym, see previous blog post about “My Gym Experience.”

The fifth and final eavesdrop was of my own doing and I’m not proud of it, though I was joking when I said what could be construed as controversial to say the least. I was at Publix, buying my normal post-gym snack of unhealthy junk food items when the male cash register noticed my t-shirt as shown below:

"More Watchin', Less Talkin'- ESPN"

He started laughing and complimented me on my shirt. I then said, jokingly I might add, “Yeah I pull this shirt out primarily on Saturday’s during college football cause they seem to not get the point and stay in the kitchen.” As I said this, a lady bagger walked by and overheard me. I promptly said, “I’m kidding! I’m kidding!” but I’m sure the damage had been done. On second thought, those reading this, do me a favor and do a Google search of someone else on the net writing about their eavesdrops of the day about an alleged chauvinistic man spouting off at a local grocery store.

A very productive evening if I may say so. I look forward to the next time I'm in public and I eavesdrop on some unsuspecting victim talking about something private or maybe talking about their privates. You just never know. Just remember folks, people are listening. And if you’re not careful, you could easily become the subject of some looney's blog page in Georgia!